Bite Me: A Love Story Chapter 8

8. Being the Chronicles of Abby Normal, in the Double-bound Doghouse of Despair Do the censured in hellfire realize the enduring that is an entire day of mother blame stored like steaming heaps of bat guano upon my spiky red coif? (I went with fuchsia spikes with electric violet tips to communicate my shock at being hauled from my home and detained with the brutal Mombot and my crapacious younger sibling, Ronnie.) Evidently, Mother feels that we were too youthful to even consider moving in together just seven days in the wake of meeting, and live in a taken condo with two of the undead and their dumb measures of money. In spite of the fact that she doesn't generally think about the undead or the money parts, however she came to her meaningful conclusion. ‘Kayso, I had like put on my red plaid wedding outfit with the dark shroud and settled myself to a throughout the day power-mope toward the side of the family room, coming up just to content Foo messages of my anguish of missing him and change the channel and so forth, when Jared called from the land-line at the adoration nest. So I'm all, â€Å"Speak, carcass fluffer.† What's more, Jared is all, â€Å"OMFG! The Countess is out, and she was bare, yet now she's not, and she completely got blood all over your cowhide girdle, and you need to come right now in light of the fact that the rodents are going ballistic and we need a hacksaw and a file.† What's more, I'm all, â€Å"Uh-oh.† What's more, Jared is all, â€Å"I know. I know. OMG! OMG!† What's more, I'm all, â€Å"Is she pissed?† Sounding much more chill than I felt. Furthermore, Jared stops for a subsequent like he's thoroughly considering it, at that point he's everything, â€Å"She's wearing your garments and there's blood running all down the front of her and she's gesturing and giving her teeth and shit.† So I'm similar to getting some point of view presently like when you're a child and you think it sucks that you need to eat hydrogenated nutty spread on your PBJ, and afterward you see one of those destitute business kids with the flies in their eyes, who don't have a sandwich-and you're all, â€Å"Well, that sucks.† ‘Kayso, I'm feeling that possibly being under limitation in the mother unit's Fillmore fortification isn't so terrible when contrasted with having the Countess breaking out her fury on you for detaining her in bronze. So I'm similar to, â€Å"Sucks to be you, Jared. Byez.† And I offed my telephone. So like five minutes pass by, which I spend in my corner going, â€Å"Oh poop, gracious crap, goodness shit,† and so forth, and the land-line rings. Furthermore, Ronnie is all, â€Å"Are you going to get that?† from her room. Also, I'm all, â€Å"I didn't have any acquaintance with it was snared up.† Also, she was all, â€Å"It's presumably Mom investigating you, so you should get it.† Also, I'm all, â€Å"Ronnie, answer it or I will kill you in your rest and dump your body in the Bay.† Also, she's everything, â€Å"‘Kay.† At that point, â€Å"It's for you. It's some young lady named Jody.† And Ronnie is all remaining there with her shaved head and her nonexistent hip tossed out, as â€Å"So there, ho.† Also, I'm all, â€Å"Fucksocks!† And I take the telephone and I'm similar to, â€Å"Hi, I have amnesia and don't recollect that anything for the last two months!† Because what do you say to somebody who you had tanned? Furthermore, the Countess is all, â€Å"Abby, I'm not angry.† Which was an all out untruth, since I could hear that she was irate. She had that â€Å"I'm not angry† mother voice, despite the fact that she's just, similar to, twenty-six in genuine years. â€Å"So you're not going to murder me?† â€Å"We'll talk. At the present time I need you to get a force drill and a hacksaw with additional cutting edges and go to the loft.† Furthermore, I'm all, â€Å"I don't have a clue where to get stuff that way, and Foo's busy working, and I'm on probation, and I need to go to class tomorrow. I have a test, so I thoroughly can't play hooky, furthermore, what do you need that stuff for?† What's more, she's everything, â€Å"Find the devices and come now. Tommy is stuck in the sculpture and we have to get him out.† What's more, I'm thinking, Oops. Yet, I'm chill and I'm similar to, â€Å"Can't he get out a similar way you did?† Furthermore, the Countess is all, â€Å"Tommy doesn't have the foggiest idea how to go to fog. That is the manner by which I got away, yet Tommy has been caught in there for-to what extent, Abby?† â€Å"Oh, similar to a few days. It's all so foggy, after the head trauma.† At that point I hear her idiom, as, â€Å"Jared, come here. I need Abby to hear your neck snap.† â€Å"Okay, similar to five weeks. Fuck, Countess, blow up much?† â€Å"Come now, Abby.† What's more, she just snaps off. So I message Foo: COUNTESS OUT, NEED HACKSAW PWRDRILL NOW What's more, he's everything: WTF? WTF? WTF? OUT? WTF? Pro HARDWARE, CASTRO ST (I know. Four WTFs! Foo has profound scholarly interest. A week ago he tested me for twenty minutes on what it resembled to have a clitoris. I simply continued saying â€Å"nice.† I know, I'm such a tard, I was unable to consider whatever else. I so need to learn French. They have like thirty-seven words for clitoris. They're similar to snow to Eskimos, just you know, more enthusiastically to fabricate an igloo out of.) ‘Kayso, I message him: KTXBYE †¹3 What's more, I advise Ronnie to disclose to Mom that I think I got some Bacillus anthracis on my toothbrush and I need to go to Walgreens to get another one so I'll be directly back. At that point I put on my coat with the sun moles, if there should arise an occurrence of vampyre kitties and so forth, and I take the F vehicle up to Castro Street and go to Ace Hardware. Also, I'm thoroughly feeling the enmity falling off the Builder Bob fellow in the red cover, and I'm similar to, â€Å"What? You've never observed a wedding dress?† Furthermore, he's everything, â€Å"No, I love the dress, the coat, the entire ensem is fabulous.† Furthermore, I'm similar to, â€Å"Really? Much appreciated. Your cover rocks. I need a hacksaw and a force drill.† Also, he's everything, â€Å"What's it for?† Also, I'm all, â€Å"You need a note from my mother? A screwing hacksaw and a force drill. I'm on a schedule.† Also, he's everything, â€Å"I asked on the grounds that we have more than thirty various types of intensity drills.† Also, I'm similar to, â€Å"Oh. I have to discharge my Dark Lord from the bronze shell wherein I detained him.† Furthermore, he's, â€Å"Oh, you ought to have said so.† And he drives me to the drill boutique and I selected a red and dark one that coordinated my dress, and Bob chose a hacksaw which completely conflicted, yet I would not like to offend him, so I said it was trs lover, which is French for sweet. ‘Kayso, as I'm paying for my stuff, I go, â€Å"So, for what reason are you all despite everything open at midnight?† Also, Bob goes, â€Å"Well, you know how it is, no one can tell when somebody is going to need to free their dim ruler in the night, or tie him up.† Also, I'm all, â€Å"Ewww.† Because I don't go for that crap. I am just into S and subjugation as it applies to closet. I had a go at slicing myself to communicate my shock over Tommy (Lord Flood) dismissing me, yet OMFG it harms like flaring fuck. That is to say, I'm into self-mutilations as much as anyone else I have eight piercings and five tattoos, some that hurt like twofold flaring fuck to get, yet that was proficient, and you can accuse somebody. Truth be told, I know a person in the Haight who will tattoo you for nothing in case you're a young lady and you continue shouting at him the entire time, which, it turns out, isn't that difficult to do when somebody is jabbing you with an electric needle. At the point when he did my bat wings I shouted at him so much I lost my voice for two days. ‘Kayso, I took the F vehicle across town and the three squares from Market to the space, yet like holding the catch on my sun mole coat on the off chance that I got trapped by Chet and his vampyre kitty buddies, since I thoroughly can't run in my wedding dress in light of the fact that the clasps of my motocross stages get trapped in the ribbon, so it resembles, stand and battle or kick the bucket, bitches! Be that as it may, no vamp kitties came. Anyway, I make it to the space and I come altogether, â€Å"Hey Countess, here's your drill!† All Carebear-on-break peppy, in spite of the fact that that may have been an error, since it's simpler to kill the lively. Furthermore, I'm kind of, WTF vampyress? Since she's not her typical self, which resembles hemophiliac hawt, yet she resembles printer-paper pale. What's more, I thoroughly disregard the way that she's wearing one of my long skirts and my dark bustier without asking, and it's bustiering her far more than it does me, which is somewhat discourteous. What's more, I'm all, â€Å"Countess, would you say you are alright? You look sort of pale.† Also, Jared is all, â€Å"You ought to have seen her before she drank those blood bags.† Also, I'm out of nowhere feeling all crap on a stick, since clearly she's completely gone snowflake since she's been bolted up without taking care of. So I'm similar to, â€Å"Sorry. I simply needed you all to be as one forever, and it didn't seem as though that is the manner by which it was going to happen.† What's more, she resembles, â€Å"Later, Abby.† And she just takes the devices from me and heads toward the sculpture and starts penetrating and sawing and so forth. So I'm similar to, â€Å"How did you get out?† What's more, she's everything, â€Å"Rat kid was moving and scratched the throwing with his dagger.† What's more, Jared's everything, â€Å"I wasn't moving. I had some coffee and I was disclosing to them my novel and I lost my equalization on your dumb boots.† What's more, I'm all, â€Å"You can't give him caffeine, Countess. His auntie gave him a hundred-dollar Starbucks card for Christmas and we needed to have an intervention.† What's more, Jody stops and glances back at me, her eyes looking all emerald-like, in light of the fact that aside from her hair, she has no shading in her face and she resembles, â€Å"Tommy didn't have a clue how to go to fog, Abby. I never got an opportunity to instruct him before you tanned us. He's been caught in here, completely cognizant, for five weeks.† What's more, I'm similar to stepping back, in light of the fact that I've seen the Countess irritated previously, similar to when the Animals captured Tommy and she needed to kick their butts to get him back, however now she's all jaw tightene